the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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