my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think your dad took our porno
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
