My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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