one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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