So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
