I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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