I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
