he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
