Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
