just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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