you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
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Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize