Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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