Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
