I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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