We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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