i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
