A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just pee around me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
