I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
