everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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