it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
