Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
