I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I need a burrito and a hug.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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