U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
