fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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