New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
