TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
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just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize