YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
