...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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