Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
