he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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