Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
