I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
