dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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