His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Come on in and take your pants off
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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