I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
