i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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