do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
