If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
