i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you win again, gameday.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
