I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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