I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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