What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just want nice things and good sex
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
