We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
