I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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