just come out here and I will go home with you...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
