You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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