There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
