I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize