I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
