Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
