she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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