dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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