Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
