She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
