My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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