Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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