I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
