Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
