dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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