If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
