I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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