Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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