Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
