just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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