why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
