He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
