I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
