some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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