Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
