i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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