My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize