that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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